Cry. Smoke. Drink. Cry some more. Fuck things up. Smoke. Another smoke. Yet another smoke. Cry again. Sleep.

Darling, don’t say you love me when we both know you don’t. You and I died when you broke up with me the first time last summer…

My time here is almost done…

I’ve written my note, telling my loved ones to stay strong. All that’s left to do is to get myself a rope, and wait for the final trigger that will push me over the edge. I’m at a shitty place right now, so I guess I don’t have to wait for too long…

Sorry if this looks shit on your dashboards. Again, I’m sorry.

There are wide ranges of triggers and reasons behind one’s disordered eating, self punishment, control or weight loss in general. But there’s one thing that really upsets me about the majority of disordered tumblr users, and that’s the never ending pursuit of a fucking thigh gap!

First of all:
- The size of the gap between your thighs depends all on your genes (muscle developement) and bone structure. Bodyfat only plays a minor part unless you carry a significantly high amount of it.

- Wide set hips, big gap. Narrow hips, small gap or none at all.

- If you are “bow-legged”, you will much likely have a pretty big thigh gap even though your hips are narrow/small.

This is of course completely individual. All people are different, have different genes, bones, body structure and fat percentage. Don’t flame me if I’ve let a few factors out, this was meant to be relatively short…

Rant over.

Because of tumblr I’ve learned a whole lot of nonsense really. Like:

- Self diagnosis is the rage. No one’s “normal” on tumblr. No one.

- HIDDEN COMMUNITIES EVERYWHERE! Pro-ana/mia, bbw, serial killers…

- Free porn and amateur sites…

- Some tags are either your way to self help, or your way to self destruction. Trigger warnings are mostly useless.

- FOOD!

Currently waiting for my ex to bring me some heavy Indicas, so maybe I can rest my head for a moment. *Sigh*

Bloated, miserable and off to bed. Ugh -.-‘